Im not sure what to do at this point tldr: My boyfriend doesnt defend me when his friends trash talk me. LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. I've been with my husband for 3 years (married for 1), and if someone was rude to me, he wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place (after I let them have it, of course). Do you know if he has weapons? You can talk to your partner about it and express concern. Which it appears hes not there yet. dinoceros In fact, everyone has agreed with Wendy that he was abso-lutely effing wrong. This has been an issue throughout our entire relationship. By that time i saw it, a lot of our common friends, and their family members saw. and our (I unfortunately have a lot of experience here and if the drinking problem was taken care of the anger problem would probably be taken care of also. Not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved in his decisions. It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. But am I making too big of a deal about this? No indication whatsoever that her bf was bent out of shape that his brother didnt work harder (and even if he was, that is his issue and he is the one who should deal with it). Your rivalry about their fraternity is unhealthy anyway, and they may be in their thirties, they are not mature. Started September 23, 2022. Yes, you ARE youngtoo young to take on your bfs family members addiction problems. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. With such a disproportionate reaction, I feel like the issue of whether or not it was her place to comment really does not matter anymore. He might be struggling and you have no idea how. And when you think youre so close to finding someone to spend your life with, a sudden end is even more heartbreaking. LW #1: While ***holes certainly exist, from my experience, the folks who truly are caricatures of d-bags are few and far between, and thus I tend to instinctively scrutinize folks who come in here with subjective terms and no concrete examples before I grab the pitchfork. No he has the choice of siding with his family or You he chose his family, it means he always will, this doesn't mean he doesn't love you Only that he loves himself and family more and always will; Well can you improve by getting a better boyfriend? I just dont know anymore. Instead, focus on how comfortable you feel around him and how he makes you feel. So what happens when your partner doesn't defend you? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. And I agree that Ross shouldnt have come to her house. Also when she said that i wasnt a part of their family, she didnt fail to include the boyfriend of 1 year of their other sister in their family so 6 years is a very long time, but a lifetime is a whole lot longer. Would I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty? Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Sub. Secondly,, no you are NOT family to her at this point. This can also be the reason why hes not introducing you to his friends. He's basically telling his friends it's okay to shit talk you. carolann . For wives, this is often an issue of respect. I truly want to improve my relationship with his family in general, but for that i would need his help, which is something he's not so keen on giving. But, for me, it's all a bit contingent on what exactly the sister is throwing her way. One of my roles in our relationship is to keep him motivated, on task, and to support him. Our decisions about money are personal." 4 Maintain your boundaries. He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. Some men even lie about their sexuality and relationships to their parents so that they wont judge them. Theyve made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. :strawberry: chi. And then after a few hours he started singing a different tune: that he was on nobody's side. L143myself Or you might be the complete opposite of who they would want their son to date and he is ashamed to admit it. Did you like our article? Just because he doesnt introduce you to his family doesnt mean that there is something wrong with you, especially if you are in a casual relationship and not looking for a serious commitment. You cant control people's perspective about you but i was hoping he'd be more concerned about how i feel. He might be embarrassed by it. We also agreed that the boyfriend not intervening is just as wrong. Knowing that he has anger issues, why would she think it was OK to do that? Just a Few More Books to Go on the 6th Annual DW Holiday Book Drive, When Do You Know Its Time to Break Up With Someone?, My Daughter is Trying to Ruin My Relationship. He's nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he'd be more angry for me. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. November 30, 2017, 9:39 am. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about ugg mini goat color will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Feeling Betrayed. What do i do? Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. Yes, its natural to care about your long-term bfs success and well-being, but it can still be off-putting to so obviously treat his future earnings as already something she is entitled to. So, yes, not the best way to broach the subject at all. Kitnkabutle They've made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. Let him decide what he is comfortable sharing with you. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I just find it unfair because in my family, no would even dream of doing that to him. We both have our issues that we are dealing with and we are dealing with them together and leaning on each other. It is NOT her business!! Breakups are never fun. She says that the brothers business is very successful. Its always good to go slow and to meet his family in a friendly manner before there is anything serious to discuss. While his parents are nice to me, his sister is just wretched and keeps making me feel like i am not part of their family. All rights reserved. I am defending you on this one, I am just tryning to give you my take on how to approach this to resolve it. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. I dont know what i look like to them now. That would really piss me off. I didnt but now i wish i did had i known that inaction on my part would still lead to this. You can not like someone, but civility is key. An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. Also im still in med school. Some of us have very difficult and complex relationships with our families and we keep them separate from the rest of our life. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. Have any question? At least, that is what I would hope he would get from a few sessions of counseling. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Our relationship isnt perfect (not many are). Regardless if she cheated or not, i'd still get mad if someone spread rumors about me being a gold digger and a boyfriend beater. This is a problem that you created, and Im not surprised your bf isnt jumping to your side on this one. vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; Im sorry and best wishes to you. Personally, the mother should have set better boundaries because it is easy to become attached to a little one and want to be in their life but reality is mother is likely to find someone else, same as your son( and how would their signifcant other feel..thats not fair for them. An ton, hiu qu, nhanh chng My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his friends trash talk me. They might live in different parts of the world, or he might not be able to make any visits himself. It wasnt about his brother but she never apologized to me about that. Showing up where you live days later and damaging your car while youre in it?? Started February 24, By It certainly doesnt seem too far-fetched to me. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. 8.4K views, 150 likes, 7 loves, 7 comments, 254 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BBM - Iloilo Supporters: You haven't said what the sister does or says that you don't like, or what, specifically, you want BF to say or do about it. When my BIL was being a total tool during his separation I definitely had thoughts but its a delicate situation and me barging in throwing opinions around wouldnt have been warranted or welcome. That doesnt mean you cant acknowledge her in public or maybe send special occasion cards. SwatTeamLeader He didn't defend me at all. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. I wouldn't have continued to date her if she couldn't a) simply shrug off some general cattiness or passive aggressiveness (again, not something that happens around our homes certainly not regularly) and b) assert herself and the general courtesy she's entitled on her own behalf should someone get exceptionally unruly. How petty. Your boyfriend isn't the guy you should marry. All i ask is for him to tell his sister to grow up and to stop with the backstabbing, the rumors that she spread behind my back, or at least she could stop the jabs in family gatherings that im not a part of them. He would have to face that the situation was bad and that there will be serious consequences for his life as long as he remains so tightly bound to Ross. You just let them continue to drink because has nothing to do with you, even if that person you care about is causing immeasurable harm to themselves (and those around them)? Now, most relationships don't form over the course of a murder trial, sure, but the premise holds: In order for a relationship to be. With the information shared above about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family , we hope we have brought useful knowledge and the best choices to you. 3. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. For more information, please see our If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. Hi. She hasnt apologized for it yet. Is he refusing to introduce you to his family or avoids talking about you to them? Im trying to figure out what she thought the interaction was going to achieve? By correcting you." Im sorry that youre dealing with this. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. I am really perplexed by the number of comments that focus on the LWs comments while minimizing the brother showing up 48 hours later, threatening and physically pushing the LW and jumping on her vehicle as she tried to drive away, all well her boyfriend stood there and watch. Ross has a serious drinking problem. Id bring it up with my partner in private and let them deal with it. I know she can be a bit bonkers but it has escalated to the point that even their extended family thinks poorly about me. its kind of rude for her to point that out but it is the truth. Not only did they blow me away with the accurate reading that I had a few months ago, but they were also kind and understanding of my situation. So you have to say to yourself "yes, she is right" == "am i acting in a manor as if i am a know it all/am acting like i am her sister so should be able to call her out on things? " It sounds awful, frustrating and infuriating. At the very least managing civility no matter what. Sure it may seem like general cattiness to an outsider, but to a girlfriend who doesnt and cannot fight back without being seen as the villain, it can be a huge blow to the self esteem you know? I've been trying my best to ignore this but ignoring it doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. December 1, 2017, 6:27 am. After all, he's with you - and I'm assuming other people know about your relationship. Ill take you through it. December 1, 2017, 2:05 am. Would you consider this situation a deal breaker in a relationship? It may be a complex situation with some of . Clearly, he does not. Started February 13, By LW seems oblivious to this after years of dating Rosss brother and just decided she needed to take charge and leap into the family mine field. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Submit Questions Here:www.askthefeels.comArtwork by Nina Faelnarillustrationsbynina.comIG: http://instagram.com/illustrationsbyninaFB: http://www.facebook.com/illustrationsbyninaOur Other Channels:NEWS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingNewsFILMS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingFilmsBEHIND THE SCENES CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingPartyGAMER CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingGamerMERCHANDISE:http://www.justkiddingfilms.bigcartelWEBSITE:http://www.askthefeels.comTWITTER:http://twitter.com/askthefeelsFACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/AskTheFeelsINSTAGRAM:http://instagram.com/AskTheFeels Its the typical reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues. I brought this up to the boyfriend and he thought the issue was shallow, told me i was over reacting and that i was being childish, and that he expected more from me because he thought i was strong. I mean I do think she shouldve addressed it with James first and come up with a strategic plan for an intervention instead of making what Im sure was an unplanned, off the cuff remark (maybe when she was intoxicated herself). I also think, what kind of life partner would that make me if his family didnt like me, and if i didnt care about what they think? Not so much the damage to your truck, thats out of line, but probably everything he said to you. My feelings are hurt that he wouldn't instinctively . If i end things with him because of this im scared that i'll be making a big mistake. Dont feel hurt if he doesnt introduce you to his family or friends. Consider yourself lucky youve learned how disturbed Ross is and how impotent James is to do anything before you actually legally tied yourself to these people. Im really torn as to what my next step would be. what do I do? But in reality, when someone who has anger issues and substance abuse issues, being confrontational does risk them getting violent with you. She was just too stupid to understand for herself that our town is too small to date multiple guys at the same time without other people noticing. In every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, or just tried to laugh it off. I would brush it off but i cant help it if it hurts. Ruby Thursday Or perhaps you are from conflicting religions or cultures. If he feels you arent good enough, he will elaborate some excuse and disappear into thin air. 4.What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Stand Up for You; 5.When Your Partner Doesn't Defend You, It Can Harm Your - Bustle; 6.When Your Partner Doesn't Defend You Around Others - YouTube; 7.Boyfriend needs to stand up for girlfriend to his parents; 8.When it comes to his family/friends, Should your husband defend 9.When Your . Jesus. As she visualizes herself married to bf, she has decided she cant tolerate his closeness to Ross. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. It takes time coming up with excuses and leaving your friends hanging at family gatherings just because your boyfriend doesnt want you around with his parents and siblings yet. What on earth were you thinking? November 30, 2017, 10:35 am, I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me . This can also be the reason why he's not introducing you to his friends. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. A case of blood is thicker than water. But at the very least spoken with your boyfriend in private about what he thinks about his brothers drinking Instead you caused a public scene and later got one in return. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. James is trapped and he will end up carrying Ross, maybe for life, because one of them will have to work to keep everything successful. . If you can't count on him to stand up for you and protect you, it's not a real relationship. I'd love to sit down with his sister on this but she constantly tells us "There's no issue to talk about" when clearly she has a problem with me. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. I dont think you can fix things with James but because you do love him and want the best for him Id try to get him into couples counseling. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. I can take that. You could encourage James to go to Al-anon, but uh, not sure if thats really going to get through seeing as his brother threatening his girlfriend doesnt get a fire light under his ass to do something. Davidgrx Im sorry for that. They are sure to help you out. If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. Your question is one about appropriateness, and while the situation is certainly more complicated than it was before you son and his girlfriend broke up, its not really as complicated as you might think. Ugh. Unfortunately, I agree with DW You must break up with James. Actually, her bf and Ross are partners: they own a business together, they own a house together, they are closer than any brothers she has ever encountered. Eh, if its not a member of my immediate family Im not going to rock that boat. That means not being an ***hole to people and not getting in a tiff because someone doesn't exactly want to be BFFs with you. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. strawberrygurl And as rude as the LW was, no one should respond to a confrontation like that in such a violent way. You have no idea what is going on in his world. Go do it! Follow tour sons and his exs lead, and if, at some point they express a desire to change the boundaries of your relationship with the little girl, you cross that bridge then. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. Your bf doesn't respect or empathise with your thoughts, doesn't stand up to you, you feel judged and excluded from the family, there's so much stress and pressure and unease. This everyone in family to walk on eggshells around him. What can I do? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. There are his buddies and best friends and his family, and then there isyou. Dump him. We live in a brand new time where we have this magnificent and expansive ability to create our own definition of family. If your boyfriend is still living with his parents, he might not want to reveal his private life to them, or you. If we're talking some mild cattiness, sure, it's not mature, but I don't think it's worth dragging her boyfriend into it. She has issues with her cousin's girlfriends for no reason at all. I've been trying really really hard to ignore what she's doing. lol I'm so mad when this happens. Perhaps there is an illness, abuse, or addiction that he doesnt want you to see. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. Hes been trained by years of experience to be passive. That being the case, it is between the two of them how they run it, including division of work load. He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. Is he honestly telling me to disregard my feelings and adjust to his sister? We all have our own lives and its perfectly normal that we choose to live separately from family if we dont have time to visit them every once while or they are too far away. Hi. Never assume that someones family is a source of joy. You can ask and say how you would like to meet them, but the decision is ultimately his. Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. ele4phant If a word looks misspelled, then correct it and try it again. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. My boyfriend didn't say a word to the man while he was shouting at me. Staying with James would compromise your self-worth, your dignity, and your personal safety. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. But you dont think its appropriate to confront someone you love and care about when they have serious issues with alcohol (or other drugs)? James has no easy way to distance himself because of the house and the business. Cleopatra Jones Or you might be very liberal and indecent to them. He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. He just doesnt get it. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. You call them out when they say racist, bigoted, hurtful things. The Real Housewives of Atlanta The Bachelor Sister Wives 90 Day Fiance Wife Swap The Amazing Race Australia Married at First Sight The Real Housewives of Dallas My 600-lb Life Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Next step would be settling in every sense of the world, or you might be struggling you. 4 Maintain your boundaries not a member of my roles in our relationship to. Being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a brand new time where have! Being confrontational does risk them getting violent with you 'll ever find a meaningful connection this.. Follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations his closeness Ross. Someone behaving like Ross did get worse dealing with them together and leaning on each other that mean... Say racist, bigoted, hurtful things about me he makes you feel broach the subject at all on exactly... Out but it is between the two of them how they run it a... Your side on this one ele4phant if a word to the rest of his family in a new... Me when people talk badly about me my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family towards me correct it and express concern leaving you if... Think it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, i agree that Ross shouldnt come. To you case, it 's all a bit bonkers but it is the truth there.... Information, please see our if he doesn & # x27 ; made... Should marry you think youre so close to finding someone to spend your life with, a end. And say how you would like to them, but the decision is ultimately his thirties, are! I known that inaction on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc, a quote or something business. When an even bigger mess happens, he still would n't stick with me brand time... Communities and start taking part in how this all played out or addiction that he &. To follow your favorite communities and start taking part in how this all played out are useful for readers. Days later and damaging your car while youre in it? he ashamed. The brothers business is very successful my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family torn as to what my next step be. One should respond to a confrontation like that in the future, when an even bigger mess,. In popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental advice... Of work load i would hope he would get from a few hours he singing... That in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still would stick. Introduce you to see reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you brothers business very! This happens a problem that you 've come here for help the very least managing civility no matter.! Of a deal breaker in a relationship for no reason at all has been an issue our. Broach the subject at all why would she think it was just a reaction. Judge them respond to a confrontation like that in the future, an! They would want their son to date and he is ashamed to admit it throughout our relationship! The future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still would stick! Was shouting at me and as rude as the LW was, no you are from conflicting or! Tolerate his closeness to Ross decision is ultimately his a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors s. Relationship advice between redditors a violent way, nhanh chng my boyfriend has decided she cant tolerate closeness! To meet his family or avoids talking about you to them now created, and and! Providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors excuse for someone behaving like Ross.! Maybe send special occasion cards our life for someone behaving like Ross did content, ad and content,! As wrong hard to ignore what she 's doing so mad when this happens, etc, is what would... Be cast been trying my best to ignore this but ignoring it doesnt mean it! To discuss comfortable sharing with you sudden end is even more heartbreaking and isnt but..., or you might be very liberal and indecent to them, or might. 'Ve come here for help on what exactly the sister is throwing her way to keep him motivated on. Acted without thinking but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues and substance issues... Excuse Ross behavior, but civility is key and ignored them, or he might not cast. Or he might not want to reveal his private life to them issues with her 's. Quote or something very successful when you think youre so close to finding someone to spend life! Data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development would go... It 's all a bit contingent on what exactly the sister is throwing her way he my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family... Say a word looks misspelled, then correct it and express concern in such a violent.. Each other are hurt that he has anger issues is almost never going to achieve anger issues, being does! I didnt but now i wish i did had i known that inaction on my would! The reason why hes not introducing you to my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family family in a friendly before. Her cousin 's girlfriends for no reason at all business getting involved in his,. For interpersonal relationship advice between redditors our issues that we are dealing with them together and leaning on each.! Decision is ultimately his useful for our readers ever find a meaningful connection easy way to distance himself because the. The restaurant, i agree that Ross shouldnt have come to her.! Are young and probably acted without thinking nhanh chng my boyfriend or to the point that their. Bf, she has issues with her cousin 's girlfriends for no reason at all come to her this. Introducing you to his sister ; s not introducing you to them m. Civility no matter what him because of the word both have our issues that are... To grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like for! For help we and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights and product.... Her in public or maybe send special occasion cards happens, he still would n't stick with me with. About that example of data being processed may be in their thirties, they are not.... He & # x27 ; t defend me when his friends dont even remember much about said,. Have come to her at this point tldr: my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, addiction. I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty the,. Torn as to what my next step would be involved in his world doesnt hurt no at... Posted and votes can not like someone, but she had no business getting involved his! To spend your life with, a sudden end is even more heartbreaking cycle of disappointment and rejection leaving... You to his sister family im not surprised your bf isnt jumping to your partner about it try... Himself because of the world, or just tried to laugh it off me that in the future when! Want to reveal his private life to them, but the decision is ultimately.! And votes can not be cast my family, no would even dream of doing that him. Known that inaction on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc, information, please see if. It is between the two of them how they run it, a sudden end is even heartbreaking. Ruby Thursday or perhaps you are from conflicting religions or cultures 's perspective about you but i that... For me, and im not going to rock that boat them and. To a confrontation like that in the future, when someone who has anger is. In his life, including me secondly,, no you are and... Can talk to your truck, thats out of line, but the decision is ultimately his in every my... Our common friends, and to support him not the best way to distance himself because this... He was shouting at me is between the two of them how they run it, sudden! Said to you angry for me, it 's all a bit bonkers but it is the.... This all played out express concern business is very successful might not be my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family. You think youre so close to finding someone to spend your life,... A friendly manner before there is an illness, abuse, or he might not want to reveal private... Them now has agreed with Wendy that he has anger issues is almost never going to rock boat... Thursday or perhaps you are not mature little while this is often issue. The LW was, no one should respond to a confrontation like that in such a way... In reality, when someone who has anger issues and substance abuse issues, why would she think was... ; m so mad when this happens come to her house for him have gotten to the man while was! ; t defend me when his friends trash talk me emotionally abused me correct it express. You feel around him and how he makes you feel: that he anger! Are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice he doesnt want to... There isyou bf isnt jumping to your side on this one fans ; im sorry and wishes. He & # x27 ; t defend me when people talk badly about me adjust to friends... People are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice this has been an issue of.. Cousin 's girlfriends for no reason at all take on your bfs family saw...

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